40 days

It’s been 40 days since papa left us to rest peacefully in a place beyond space and time.

I miss him. I wish I could’ve spent more time with him, for sure people always say this when a person they love dear passed away. And now, on his 40th day after leaving us and his spirit wandered on earth as the Jewish/Catholic orthodox believe, he is now returning home to the heavens, to God.

Papa, we love you. Rest in Peace.

 

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Everything is not PEACHy

I binged-watched the Netflix series “You”. The plot is not that unusual, we have seen it before, read it, heard of it, heck some might have experienced it.

“You” is a light story and so common actually. I read an article describing Peach Salinger’s character as a “self-obsessed and a little sad”, and “absurd”. Not surprisingly at all, the characters are far from fiction. There might have been some hidden puns and sarcasm in it but nevertheless, the first season was done enticingly and entertainingly enough.

I really love everything about the human psyche. I’m intrigued of what goes inside a person’s mind. How people do certain things and how sometimes do the abominable. I’m kind of torn who’s more evil or scarier between Joe and Peach. I’m leaning towards the latter.

I, in fact just recently have come to a conclusion that I do have a “Peach” in my life. And she really knows how to make me feel awful. I don’t want to hate her till her very core… but man, she’s a mean girl. And I really thought she was a good friend.

I looked online a “Peach” behavior or causes of it, this is what I found:

What are the causes behind jealousy?

If you think that you got jealous because of the way he talked to her or because of the way she smiled at him then you are wrong. Jealousy is like most of the other emotions, it comes from within.

A big part of the problem lies within you and not with the person you are jealous of. The following are possible root causes for jealousy:

  • Jealousy root cause #1: Lack of self confidence: The main cause for feelings of jealousy are your doubts about your abilities or skills. If you were one hundred percent sure of yourself you would have never suffered from any jealousy feelings.
  • Jealousy root cause #2: Poor self image : Having a poor self image is another cause of jealousy. If you believe that you look ugly or that you are not that handsome then chances are you’ll be experiencing feelings of jealousy whenever you meet someone who looks better than you.
  • Jealousy root cause #3: Fear : One of the root causes behind jealousy is being afraid. This fear can be a fear of ending up alone, a fear of being rejected or a fear of losing the love of your partner.
  • Jealousy root cause #4: Insecurity: Feelings of insecurity are the result of the two previously mentioned causes. A poor self image and lack of self confidence can result in making you feel insecure about a relationship and this can be a strong reason that can make you jealous.

The intensity of jealousy differs according to the situation

If you hate someone then most probably you will feel more jealous of him if he succeeded in achieving something.

If you don’t hate the person so much then the degree of the jealousy feelings will be less intense. On the other hand, if someone you really like achieved something then you might not feel jealous of him at all.

Jealousy and invading the private space

When someone becomes jealous he may start to invade the private space of his partner in such a way that results in relationship dissatisfaction for the one whose private space was invaded.

In my book “The ultimate guide to maintaining a healthy relationship” I explained how actions such as insisting on knowing your partner’s passwords can make him/her dissatisfied and can ruin your relationship. Unless you have a strong evidence that proves that your partner is cheating on you don’t ever invade their private space even if you were feeling jealous.

Jealousy; a friend or foe

The only thing jealousy is capable of doing is making you feel bad, ruin your relations or simply fill your heart with hatred.

Upon feeling jealous, don’t go pick fights with others and blame external factors but instead fix problems and these feelings of jealousy will disappear.

She has all of the above….

I’m not thinking of ending theriendship …yet. I’m hoping not to come to that solution. I’m still hopeful that she will resolve her own issues someday. I’m not really sure if I want to let her know that she makes me feel horrible in some things that she say and do. I feel that somehow she’s aware and that she’s doing them deliberately. I can only change and control my own feelings and actions. So for the moment… I’m just trying to go into my own zone and be zen about everything. Trying to ward off the negativity and the bad vibes of it all.

If you think that you have a “Peach” in your life, ask yourself, if he/she are worth saving the friendship? Do you think you can confront them about how you feel? Do you think you’ll get an honest and sincere response? Or will they just concoct some generic answer and try to convince you that it is you who are having issues and not them.

Take time to assess your friendship and somehow think of yourself this time around rather than others. Keep your self healthy first. You need to love yourself more before extending it to anyone. Keep an open mind and look at the rational behind people’s actions and causes of their destructive behavior. Be patient. They do come around sometimes.

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