Clingy Claire is like any other normal woman. Except that she is clingy.
She came from a good family, they are an extended family, but nevertheless almost a perfect family. All siblings finished college and had their own degrees, the older two brothers have their own families, she being the third is still single, and the youngest sister is with a long time boyfriend. Her mother is still alive, all are fine and well. She has a number of friends. Her closest are from high school which is very fortunate of her, until this day she is still friends with them and still have communication, talk like they are just in high school back in the day.
She’s living far away from her motherland since a year or two after graduating college to look for work to have a better life. She has been living there for more than a decade. She has gone through a lot of tough times, but as well as the good. She’s doing averagely at work for she’s always saying that she would love to get a different job and build a good career out of that, whichever that might be. But after a decade of working at the same company in the country she is living in, it is a bit hard to start over again in a different field in a different company and let go of where she is at right now. Or maybe she’s just accustomed to her current work and would not want to change the status quo. So she just do work as what she is expected, not more, not less. Not sure if this contributes to making her life a bit miserable, but she sometimes feel that it is.
Her romantic relationships is not as clear. She has been in a relationship with a significant person since back in college or from her first job, but did let go of him to seek a better life in another country where she has build a life of her own successfully. Then a new handsome man came into her life. She loved this man so much. She thought that this is the guy. The one. But is wasn’t so. It was a complicated relationship. For sometime, they have been on and off the relationship, the guy not only on and off with her, but with another. Not sure how many others, but theirs is not as solid as she has wanted it to be. Part of it she blames her self, little did she know that the guy has a different plan of his own for his future that she’s not a part of. After finally saying goodbye to this man, she has been terribly hurt like a normal woman should be after a breakup. And this I believe, made a significant effect on Clingy Claire. Who wouldn’t when it comes to love, right?
Days, weeks, or months had past and a new relationship bloomed. It is not clear how long this special relationship had been going on. Not sure if it had overlapped with the man that she claimed to be in loved with, if not ‘so much in like’ with. This new relationship is between her and a female colleague at work. It is also not clear if the female has the same feelings towards her or if she is reciprocating the ‘love’ that Clingy Claire has been showing her. But as she puts it, they have an understanding. The female special friend is heterosexually married and have a kid or maybe two of her own. Not sure if Clingy Claire is expecting this relationship to have a future, or she is just happy that she has a ‘girlfriend’ in her at that moment in time. But what is apparent, is when she migrated to Canada along with her family, Clingy Claire got devastated. More devastated than saying goodbye to his former male love relationships. It is also apparent that this is not the first homosexual relationship she has been with. She has engaged sexually with a female before at some point in her life, but with this particular special friend, it is not evident if it is indeed sexual. She took this separation so badly that it seemed that she has been depressed for months after that.
After this devastation, another distressing event has occurred in her life. Her boss that she loved so much too got into a terrible politic-ing. She was sent back home to her motherland. Clingy Clair could not take what had happened to her boss. She felt that her work-life crumbled. Because of this, she developed a horrible anxiety. The worse symptom of hers is vomiting. Because of this, she became so thin. She looked very sickly thin. She suffered from vomiting and abdominal pains for months too. Doctors couldn’t find what is causing her abdominal pains. She and her friends thought that all the doctors who checked her up are stupid and useless. But one doctor did got her symptoms right. She gave her medicine for her anxiety disorder. But naturally, she didn’t take this seriously and refuse to take her meds. Or maybe she did, but not as timely as the doctor recommended. And she didn’t take the diagnosis seriously either. She refuse to admit she’s depressed nor have anxiety disorder.
Clingy Claire gained her healthy self and body back when she joined a new family household after months maybe a year after the diagnosis. It is the household of one friend she met through a common friend. She has been with this family for two years now, and all is well and dandy. Until recently, that her friend felt suffocated with Clingy Claire’s ‘friendship’ towards her. She was supposed to be moving in with a high school friend and her husband and Clingy Claire’s sister, all of them in one flat. That was the original plan. But her friend got pregnant unexpectedly. The friend decided to leave work and went back to her homeland to give birth to her son, with no solid plans of when she and probably along with her son be returning back. Clingy Claire again, according to her was not mad nor furious, but disappointed. According to Clingy Claire, she was the kind of person who expects too much of things and from people, specially from people who promises and makes plans with her. And if the plans do not go accordingly, she gets very disappointed. Because of constantly being disheartened and being let down by people and friends, she said she now doesn’t make plans at all. She said she just go forth with life as it comes to her, and just rolls with it. Looks like this is where she got her clinginess.
Her childhood, attitudes towards life and behaviour is not known. It is currently not evident if she possesses this clingy attitude for as far as when she was just a child. Strangely, she admits now that she is indeed clingy. As she admits she is as she says clingy, she also is little by little telling a few friends that she is now also a lesbian. Up to what extent, no one knows for sure yet. Maybe not even her.
Now she told her housemate friend that she ‘like’ her. If not sexually, it seemed that she has been accustomed to being with her almost most of the time. The good thing is Clingy Claire looks happy and content with her present situation. Looks like she is envisioning that the future, her future, Clingy Claire’s future is living a life with this female friend. Because her company makes her happy. It seems that she would love to anchor her life with hers, not making plans of her own, and the masterplan is to go along to whatever her friends’s plan on life is to be. She has started planting the anchor, hooking it to each and every chance she can and on the process, trying to convince her friend that she too is a lesbian. Clingy Claire annoyed her friend somehow when she had a Gchat conversation one day that she too will soon be a lesbian. That it is inevitable for her to be a tomboy, and that it’s just a matter of time. Since then, it has been a concrete evidence to her housemate friend that Clingy Claire is indeed clingy.
The problem is, that this female friend of hers doesn’t want to be her lesbian partner. She has her own future, a different future in mind. Even though Clingy Claire insists that she hasn’t been injecting herself nor trying to intrude herself on her friend, her friend felt that her personal boundaries has been slowly invaded. That she felt that if she somehow tried putting a wall to that personal boundary of hers, or slowly pull away for a bit to breath, Clingy Claire might not be happy and be disappointed and read the intention as a rejection. Worse, she might misread it as she’s going to be abandoned. Again. Knowing of her previous history and from what she has seen with Clingy Claire’s behaviour every time when she’s been left behind, been disappointed with plans unrealised, she breaks down unaware, gets to a depression and an anxiety disorder. Clingy Claire won’t admit this for sure. But is has happened before. Her decision to be a lesbian seems to be part of her being clingy. It seemed that her interest in boys, her sexual attraction towards the opposite sex disappeared for an unexplained and no visible reason, and as a result, she tends to cling to women who she thinks might give her value and might guide and accompany her through life. This is kind of occurance is not new to us. Homosexuality is everywhere and little by little it is being accepted as the norm. There’s nothing wrong with it in a humane perception of things. Who are we to judge?
Clingy Claire’s housemate friend loves her so much as much as she loves all of her other friends. But that’s about it and nothing more. She hopes and pray for her friend Clingy Claire that if she has decided whether to be a lesbian and come out, or remained a heterosexual, she hopes that she would be happy and healthy and with a mind that is stable and be confident of living her life fully even if it means living by herself alone, and not depending on anyone’s happiness. And now that Clingy Claire knows about her housemate friends feelings for her, that Clingy Claire feels that there is nothing wrong with her, and it is her friend’s issue with it, and not her, her friend only hopes that Clingy Claire will stay friends with her but less clingy. And somehow find a way to be happy and live a good life on her own independently.
Coincidentally, as I write this post, the TV is on and the movie, ‘Inception’ is showing. Next movie is, ‘Total Recall’. Both plots has something to do with manipulating the mind. The mind is indeed a powerful thing. It can make or break people. Depression and anxiety disorder is still curable. As they say, ‘it’s all in the mind’. Maintaining your mind as well as your body healthy and full of positiveness and good vibes, everything in life will be easy and fulfilling. But most importantly, I believe, if your heart is with God, then all of life will make sense. Nothing to worry about, nothing to feel insecure, depressed and or lonely.
If you happen to be aware that you are clingy or a friend boy/girlfriend is showing signs of clinginess that is unhealthy to your relationship, this article may help you resolve your issues with it:
If you have a friend who is depressed and have an anxiety disorder or you think might be, these are some sites that can help and are good reads:
God bless Clingy Claire, and you all.